So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.