So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Houston, we have a blender
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now