I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.