Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When are your genitals available?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"