HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there