So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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