Come see our sink grown plant.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
