My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
