That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
