i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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