so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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