Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize