I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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