So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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