i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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