ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
