the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
