My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
