I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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