Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
