my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
