i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
