just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize