Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
