you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
