Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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