I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
