there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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