Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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