I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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