Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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