Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
