Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
