Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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