WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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