my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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