If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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