at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your penis caused this!
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