god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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