I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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