I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
