So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
