How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again