Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
