I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
