I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
