i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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