saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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