I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
