when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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