so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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