i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
