I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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