Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
