Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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